Stein on Style

To continue with a point about appearances in politics, I wanted to address some recent reports on the wardrobes and styling of political candidates and their significant others.

We all have the same nightmare in politics. It’s 7 AM. You have a speech in 30 minutes and your best chains haven’t been polished. Your left stitch popped and your hand is falling off. People are screaming, you’re moaning and the voting public awaits – what do you do?

With the spotlight constantly on you in the political arena, it’s vital to look your best. This is no better exemplified than with Sarah Palin, who has taken on the role of political Barbie in these elections. For this reason, I have a few grooming tips that I’ve learned along the trail that may come in handy for my worthy opponents.

Clothing – Vintage is seemingly never out of style, because it’s always out of style. For this reason I like to take most of my new suits, put them on an intern, and then lock them in a closet with an angry badger. I feel it gives the suit a worn-in feel to it and as you can see, it looks fabulous.

Hair – This part is easy, I wasn’t given any. This shorn look says, “I don’t spend time styling, I spend time running the country.”

Shoes – When you have size 20 feet, your options are seemingly limited, but that shouldn’t lead to a style crisis. Little known fact, Condi Rice has size 20’s also. True story. I prefer the leaden boot look that was so popular in the 1980’s…and 1880’s for that matter.

Lips – I was told that purple was in this fall, which is tremendous because mine for some reason are always purple.

Nails – This is where I differ from some of the candidates. I feel that a little bit of color is never a bad thing, even for a man. That’s why I choose to keep mine a pale yellow almost year round.

Skin – Now, skin is very important. I have mine imported and am constantly vigilant for any maintenance that needs to be done. I’ve even consulted with celebrities like Joan Rivers and Michael Jackson to get that fresh look they’ve championed over the years. I may not have had as much work done on my face as they have, but I’m working on it.

The final product? Well, I think it speaks for itself.

Stay scary America!

- Frank N. Stein